You guys must think that I’m crazy!
I finished my practical last Friday, 26may2006, but i decided to stay here for another 1 month here...
God! It’s all because the guy that named Eric, who looked liked Kent!
Nay! Don’t think at the wrong way!
I managed to talk to him and he promised me will change after having a long talk with him! I told him that I care and love him so much that I wish him to success in the future and I even told him that I’ll never let him go no matter how many times he is going to hurt me and make me disappointed!
I said you don't let go yourself as I’ll never let you go...
I decided to stay here without payment and jobless now, but to give him and others tuition! I will never know whether the decision that we made right now is the right one at the time being, but I do know that if I didn't stay I will sure regret some day! I knew it, I just knew it!
My God! I experienced so many touching thing here... I feel that I’m alive again!
My God! I’m crazy, right?
Please pray for me, whatever! I’ll never regret of this decision forever, as i feel that God has his will for me on this place.
I talked to mom and dad, but didn't tell them that this staying is because of a guy, a student! i told them I need to settle thing before I go!
ha-ha... my article came out again. Let's check it out!
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605270169http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605190235
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Just a little bit of news about me
hi guy!
luckly there is a cyber cafe here.
well, this place, i meant sungai udang where im doing my practical now is ...
speechles...
well, it's not too bad after all when you get to know some people here.
me and my another practical fren went for swimming with our guys students and have a fun time.
dun tink too much. they are only the small tiny form 2 boys. notice that not man, but boy.
i met a guy looks so much like kent, but he is short, yet handsome.
just can't resist to look and him.
well, it's since a long time i didn't look at guy like that. wahahah...
no flirting la, juts miss kent who is not by my side now.
hmm.......... i wil finish soon and blur now, dunno wat should i do after that.
im not interested in taeching anywhere.
it's just not my way!
perhaps, i'll just find other thing to do, i cant stand for routine life.
i need adventure and spice up, that's why i told kent that it's not yet the time to get marry, im stil floarting like a young 17 year old girl, yaya im not anymore yet i stil can't settle down by this moment at least.
cant stop buying cdssssssssssss now.
pokai!
i wrote a lot this lately.
sudeenly feel sad and there it comes all the ideas.
i miss you guys so much..
ppl come and go...
two days ago i received a msg said that im going to die the same day, my god! of course i x belif it yet it still disturbing me, it's strange when somebody tell you that you are going to die... hehe...
of course, im still ok now.
luckly there is a cyber cafe here.
well, this place, i meant sungai udang where im doing my practical now is ...
speechles...
well, it's not too bad after all when you get to know some people here.
me and my another practical fren went for swimming with our guys students and have a fun time.
dun tink too much. they are only the small tiny form 2 boys. notice that not man, but boy.
i met a guy looks so much like kent, but he is short, yet handsome.
just can't resist to look and him.
well, it's since a long time i didn't look at guy like that. wahahah...
no flirting la, juts miss kent who is not by my side now.
hmm.......... i wil finish soon and blur now, dunno wat should i do after that.
im not interested in taeching anywhere.
it's just not my way!
perhaps, i'll just find other thing to do, i cant stand for routine life.
i need adventure and spice up, that's why i told kent that it's not yet the time to get marry, im stil floarting like a young 17 year old girl, yaya im not anymore yet i stil can't settle down by this moment at least.
cant stop buying cdssssssssssss now.
pokai!
i wrote a lot this lately.
sudeenly feel sad and there it comes all the ideas.
i miss you guys so much..
ppl come and go...
two days ago i received a msg said that im going to die the same day, my god! of course i x belif it yet it still disturbing me, it's strange when somebody tell you that you are going to die... hehe...
of course, im still ok now.
Terrible upset and happy
I was terrible upset today.
There is a class for Pendidikan Khas in the school that I’m doing my practical now. Well, as you know it’s made for the special kids and I went there to say hi whenever I’m free and whenever I feel hopeless toward the kids in the school. I didn’t mean to look down at them or something like that. I just want to be friend and wasn’t it’s something nice there is always someone stop by for a while and say hi to you?!
But, a guy teacher who in charge there said that I should not simply walk in and walk like that. My God! As long as I remember, I told any teacher that I met in there that I WANT TO SAY HI to the kids! Maybe there is once or twice that I didn’t tell, because sometimes there is no teacher inside there.
The tone and the way that he spoke to me upset me. First, I was hurt because of the way he told me to ask for permission and second I thought that a teacher who teaches special kids should be more tolerant and understanding. But it turns up to be the other way. Actually I realized that he doesn’t like either me or my friend(Hooi Chuen) from the first day we reached the school, because he never look at us, as if we were invisible! Well, actually majority of the teachers does not like us. I do not understand is that because we are Chinese or because of we are only so called the practical teachers. Sometimes I’m really disappointed with some of their manner and attitude. Shouldn’t they show some respect to others or perhaps at least act like they are educated and not barbarize! Racism! We even called as “CINA BODOH” and “FUCK YOU” by the students. Worst still, some spit once they pass by us and said that my friend is crazy and pervert. One gang of girls bang my door when I’m teaching in the class, what I do is grabbed them and warn them that they will be died meat if they do it again. It does scare them, of course! Two days ago, I punched some rude students who called me with dirty words and try to molest my butt! I really can’t stand anymore! I wish that I could treat them even better, but I just can’t! It is too much for me to bear! But, of course, there are some good students who treated me nicely. At least I got two classes that comfort me in some ways. Form 1B students are brilliant and hyperactive, I was damn exhausted every time if there is two period classes, as I have to fly around the class like a butterfly (a fat butterfly whose wings is no longer can carries my weight!) to ‘entertain’ them. Form 4 class is a bit weak and the boys are super duper LAZY. Didn’t listen to what I’m teaching, peep at girls all the time, day dream and absent for one to two days every weeks, just like me in my old school days! Great! At last I earn the ‘reward’ back! Because I knew that they won’t pass up they homework, so I do the task as easier as possible, which I can get them to finish in within the period. Well, for the super duper LAZY gang, who don’t even want to hold up their pen to write anything, I just advise them so that they find something to do if they really found that study is not their aim in life and try to be a better person! Luckily, they are those kids that cherish friendship and understanding in some way.
Last two weeks I quarreled with one of other form four class student, who is one of the famous fucker kids in school. He called me with all sort of bad words, I asked him to apologize, but he said he didn’t do wrong by saying like that. Phew! I feel want to punch him and kick his xxxx! If I’m doing my practical here, he is long time die! I rushed to the PK1 room to whom I said things like these…
- Although we are just practical teachers, but I don’t think that we deserve something like that.
- And bla…bla…bla…
She said she will do something, but she never, I believed!
Maybe you think I’m stupid, well, I’m sometimes… after seeing the Pk1 I went to find the guy and asked him whether he wants to apologize or see the discipline teacher (he beats and he jokes with the students, so no matter how many strokes that he gave is still enjoyable for the students plus he is damn pervert! He asked female students if they want him to korek them! Such a terrible xxxxer!) Go back to the student, he said no of course! I was so stupid that I went to see him and even more stupid when I met the PK1 I asked her to talk nicely to the kid and don’t make thing hard for him! I was so damn stupid, but I really can’t hurt other although they make my life miserable. If you think that I’m kind-hearted or soft-hearted, you are damn wrong! I just can’t stand for the uncomfortable feeling that ‘ramba’ in my heart! That’s for my own good!
I have been thinking to change my field for quite a while this lately. Although one of my lecturer who came to observe me last two weeks told me that she wished that every teachers were like me and said that I’m a good teacher that care about my students. I didn’t do much thing really! There is a student in my form 4 class who is sitting in the wheel chair and I’m just showed him personally the thing that he didn’t have chances to look at because I need to use another room with LCD etc and he couldn’t go because of the stair chases. I’m just doing what I think I should do, she found out by her own. I was happy at first but after several seconds it eating me up, because I don’t think that I’m as good as what she thought. Whatever it is I’m glad that she sees something within me and confront me with what I’m doing and that’s more than enough in this kind of situation where even the teachers said something sarcastic about us (practical bla…bla..bla…) UHHHH! Wish that someday I will not become like them! If after years of teaching and I found that I lost the passion toward teaching and kids, then I rather choose to stop! Sometimes we have to earn our living as weight as the responsible that put upon our shoulders! Again, you might feel that I’m stupid!
I did mention about a guy who looks so much like Kent before, right? He is Form 5 student, a runner, didn’t even write a word in his exam paper (just liked Kent!), short but good-looking. I would said that he is quite man. At first, I can’t resist looking at him and now I think I’m addicted to him. I meant seeing him just like seeing Kent in front of me. God! I was crazy! He started to look at me too and this morning he acted differently, abnormal and it was too obvious, it was noticeable! Cute! It’s not fair after all! Actually, honestly, I feel upset when I’m thinking about the day that I leave this school that I have to leave him as well, the same feeling I got every time I leave Kent to KL. Sometimes I’m afraid and confused with my own feeling… as if he is another Kent! Dangerous, I know! I just wish that I could meet Kent as soon as possible.
God! If I do not attach to any relationship, I was the damn crazy female teacher who likes junior guys! Haha…
Love each day!
There is a class for Pendidikan Khas in the school that I’m doing my practical now. Well, as you know it’s made for the special kids and I went there to say hi whenever I’m free and whenever I feel hopeless toward the kids in the school. I didn’t mean to look down at them or something like that. I just want to be friend and wasn’t it’s something nice there is always someone stop by for a while and say hi to you?!
But, a guy teacher who in charge there said that I should not simply walk in and walk like that. My God! As long as I remember, I told any teacher that I met in there that I WANT TO SAY HI to the kids! Maybe there is once or twice that I didn’t tell, because sometimes there is no teacher inside there.
The tone and the way that he spoke to me upset me. First, I was hurt because of the way he told me to ask for permission and second I thought that a teacher who teaches special kids should be more tolerant and understanding. But it turns up to be the other way. Actually I realized that he doesn’t like either me or my friend(Hooi Chuen) from the first day we reached the school, because he never look at us, as if we were invisible! Well, actually majority of the teachers does not like us. I do not understand is that because we are Chinese or because of we are only so called the practical teachers. Sometimes I’m really disappointed with some of their manner and attitude. Shouldn’t they show some respect to others or perhaps at least act like they are educated and not barbarize! Racism! We even called as “CINA BODOH” and “FUCK YOU” by the students. Worst still, some spit once they pass by us and said that my friend is crazy and pervert. One gang of girls bang my door when I’m teaching in the class, what I do is grabbed them and warn them that they will be died meat if they do it again. It does scare them, of course! Two days ago, I punched some rude students who called me with dirty words and try to molest my butt! I really can’t stand anymore! I wish that I could treat them even better, but I just can’t! It is too much for me to bear! But, of course, there are some good students who treated me nicely. At least I got two classes that comfort me in some ways. Form 1B students are brilliant and hyperactive, I was damn exhausted every time if there is two period classes, as I have to fly around the class like a butterfly (a fat butterfly whose wings is no longer can carries my weight!) to ‘entertain’ them. Form 4 class is a bit weak and the boys are super duper LAZY. Didn’t listen to what I’m teaching, peep at girls all the time, day dream and absent for one to two days every weeks, just like me in my old school days! Great! At last I earn the ‘reward’ back! Because I knew that they won’t pass up they homework, so I do the task as easier as possible, which I can get them to finish in within the period. Well, for the super duper LAZY gang, who don’t even want to hold up their pen to write anything, I just advise them so that they find something to do if they really found that study is not their aim in life and try to be a better person! Luckily, they are those kids that cherish friendship and understanding in some way.
Last two weeks I quarreled with one of other form four class student, who is one of the famous fucker kids in school. He called me with all sort of bad words, I asked him to apologize, but he said he didn’t do wrong by saying like that. Phew! I feel want to punch him and kick his xxxx! If I’m doing my practical here, he is long time die! I rushed to the PK1 room to whom I said things like these…
- Although we are just practical teachers, but I don’t think that we deserve something like that.
- And bla…bla…bla…
She said she will do something, but she never, I believed!
Maybe you think I’m stupid, well, I’m sometimes… after seeing the Pk1 I went to find the guy and asked him whether he wants to apologize or see the discipline teacher (he beats and he jokes with the students, so no matter how many strokes that he gave is still enjoyable for the students plus he is damn pervert! He asked female students if they want him to korek them! Such a terrible xxxxer!) Go back to the student, he said no of course! I was so stupid that I went to see him and even more stupid when I met the PK1 I asked her to talk nicely to the kid and don’t make thing hard for him! I was so damn stupid, but I really can’t hurt other although they make my life miserable. If you think that I’m kind-hearted or soft-hearted, you are damn wrong! I just can’t stand for the uncomfortable feeling that ‘ramba’ in my heart! That’s for my own good!
I have been thinking to change my field for quite a while this lately. Although one of my lecturer who came to observe me last two weeks told me that she wished that every teachers were like me and said that I’m a good teacher that care about my students. I didn’t do much thing really! There is a student in my form 4 class who is sitting in the wheel chair and I’m just showed him personally the thing that he didn’t have chances to look at because I need to use another room with LCD etc and he couldn’t go because of the stair chases. I’m just doing what I think I should do, she found out by her own. I was happy at first but after several seconds it eating me up, because I don’t think that I’m as good as what she thought. Whatever it is I’m glad that she sees something within me and confront me with what I’m doing and that’s more than enough in this kind of situation where even the teachers said something sarcastic about us (practical bla…bla..bla…) UHHHH! Wish that someday I will not become like them! If after years of teaching and I found that I lost the passion toward teaching and kids, then I rather choose to stop! Sometimes we have to earn our living as weight as the responsible that put upon our shoulders! Again, you might feel that I’m stupid!
I did mention about a guy who looks so much like Kent before, right? He is Form 5 student, a runner, didn’t even write a word in his exam paper (just liked Kent!), short but good-looking. I would said that he is quite man. At first, I can’t resist looking at him and now I think I’m addicted to him. I meant seeing him just like seeing Kent in front of me. God! I was crazy! He started to look at me too and this morning he acted differently, abnormal and it was too obvious, it was noticeable! Cute! It’s not fair after all! Actually, honestly, I feel upset when I’m thinking about the day that I leave this school that I have to leave him as well, the same feeling I got every time I leave Kent to KL. Sometimes I’m afraid and confused with my own feeling… as if he is another Kent! Dangerous, I know! I just wish that I could meet Kent as soon as possible.
God! If I do not attach to any relationship, I was the damn crazy female teacher who likes junior guys! Haha…
Love each day!
Friday, May 05, 2006
Read my article
I love to write and i get some of my articles published on the internet. I mean newpaper!
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604060333
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604100234
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605050234
Those are the articles that available for this month:)
Enjoy! I will keep continue to write more and more. Thanks for Dad and mom, Siao Yen, Kent, Hooi Chuen, Irene, Siew Choo, Mui, Pei Woon and those who give their support all the times.
I write best when i'm upset!
But this lately my heart is blossom is hell :) so nothing much to write about.
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604060333
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604100234
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605050234
Those are the articles that available for this month:)
Enjoy! I will keep continue to write more and more. Thanks for Dad and mom, Siao Yen, Kent, Hooi Chuen, Irene, Siew Choo, Mui, Pei Woon and those who give their support all the times.
I write best when i'm upset!
But this lately my heart is blossom is hell :) so nothing much to write about.
Read my article
I love to write and i get some of my articles published on the internet. I mean newpaper!
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604060333
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604100234
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605050234
Those are the articles that available for this month:)
Enjoy! I will keep continue to write more and more. Thanks for Dad and mom, Siao Yen, Kent, Hooi Chuen, Irene, Siew Choo, Mui, Pei Woon and those who give their support all the times.
I write best when i'm upset!
But this lately my heart is blossom is hell :) so nothing much to write about.
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604060333
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200604100234
http://www.sinchew.com.my/content.phtml?sec=14&artid=200605050234
Those are the articles that available for this month:)
Enjoy! I will keep continue to write more and more. Thanks for Dad and mom, Siao Yen, Kent, Hooi Chuen, Irene, Siew Choo, Mui, Pei Woon and those who give their support all the times.
I write best when i'm upset!
But this lately my heart is blossom is hell :) so nothing much to write about.
The Last Observation
My last observation today! Phew!
The happiest thing that I get to hear today is that the lecturer said that she never sees any practical trainee as passion and as enjoy as me. Hehe… happy lo. Because my lecturer also said that she wished every teacher was like me…
I do not really understand what they meant by that. But I only know that I done what I supposed to do. Well, that’s my style. I do the thing that I think I should do, the rest I will just leave it to God. However, I’m glad that at least some people do appreciate and see the good thing within me.
Last night, Hooi Chuen and I went around the taman here. A lot of big taman here, regret that we only get to know about this place in the last month…
I suggested that we asked for permission to stay one more month here, but I do not know if they would let us do such a thing. I talked to my lecturer about the silly idea and she said she will definitely help us to ask about it from the urusetia and the school. Our hearts pumping hard while waiting for the news to come. We made such decision because it’s hard to leave the kids here. We only get to know them better these few weeks and it’s already the time for us to go. I understand that we can get other good experience in other places, but it will never be the same anymore. We have so many months in our lives and why can’t we just spend another one month with those we love and who we might never see them again for the rest of our lives. Just one month and it will never enough, but at least we still have some more time to help those kids that need help here, especially to upgrade their mentality.
Our lecturer said that we are the first to extend our practical, never any practical teacher done like that before and she said that we are different and we do, of course!
I do not know how much you guys will agree with my silly decision, but please pray for us! We done it without money and hopefully we can leave something to the kids before we leave.
The guy that look liked Kent started to notice at me and his teacher who are friend to us told him that one of the taecher’s boyfriend look liked him. God! Although she said she didn’t mention my name but I’m damn sure that he and his friends knew about it. From the way they laughed at him and his face turned red and tried to hide from me and peep at me when I didn’t look at him. God! My face turned red, okay? After all these years, I felt the shyness again! Sometimes I’m afraid that I might get confused between him and Kent as well, as they look so alike, just that he is shorter. But I can tell you he is man, ok?
I managed to talk to him today. I relieved in his class and they are now having the SPM trial exam, but he slept most all the times and cheated with his friends, I called him up and talked personally to him and advise him to try his best and he said okay!
Seeing him just like seeing Kent…
My heart blossom for the whole day! He looks at me every time I pass by him and now he smiles to me… wow! I feel so young now! Heeh… bad! But I did share with Kent everything that happened between us.
Last week, I found out from one of the girl student that his girlfriend is the girl that banged my door last time. Oh! God! I had the instinct that his girlfriend will be her and it is really her. At that time I was at the swimming pool, what I can tell is that my heart sunk into the very bottom of the swimming pool! As if Kent is betraying me… I don’t care who his girlfriend is but at least not the bitch, that’s what is in my mind. But I’m not the God to judge a person, so I believe that the bitch might good in some ways…
Sometimes can’t tahan with myself, too emotional and sentimental… I get upset and happy easily, but most of the time I’m numb. But what I cab say is that I’m so damn Love you all!
The happiest thing that I get to hear today is that the lecturer said that she never sees any practical trainee as passion and as enjoy as me. Hehe… happy lo. Because my lecturer also said that she wished every teacher was like me…
I do not really understand what they meant by that. But I only know that I done what I supposed to do. Well, that’s my style. I do the thing that I think I should do, the rest I will just leave it to God. However, I’m glad that at least some people do appreciate and see the good thing within me.
Last night, Hooi Chuen and I went around the taman here. A lot of big taman here, regret that we only get to know about this place in the last month…
I suggested that we asked for permission to stay one more month here, but I do not know if they would let us do such a thing. I talked to my lecturer about the silly idea and she said she will definitely help us to ask about it from the urusetia and the school. Our hearts pumping hard while waiting for the news to come. We made such decision because it’s hard to leave the kids here. We only get to know them better these few weeks and it’s already the time for us to go. I understand that we can get other good experience in other places, but it will never be the same anymore. We have so many months in our lives and why can’t we just spend another one month with those we love and who we might never see them again for the rest of our lives. Just one month and it will never enough, but at least we still have some more time to help those kids that need help here, especially to upgrade their mentality.
Our lecturer said that we are the first to extend our practical, never any practical teacher done like that before and she said that we are different and we do, of course!
I do not know how much you guys will agree with my silly decision, but please pray for us! We done it without money and hopefully we can leave something to the kids before we leave.
The guy that look liked Kent started to notice at me and his teacher who are friend to us told him that one of the taecher’s boyfriend look liked him. God! Although she said she didn’t mention my name but I’m damn sure that he and his friends knew about it. From the way they laughed at him and his face turned red and tried to hide from me and peep at me when I didn’t look at him. God! My face turned red, okay? After all these years, I felt the shyness again! Sometimes I’m afraid that I might get confused between him and Kent as well, as they look so alike, just that he is shorter. But I can tell you he is man, ok?
I managed to talk to him today. I relieved in his class and they are now having the SPM trial exam, but he slept most all the times and cheated with his friends, I called him up and talked personally to him and advise him to try his best and he said okay!
Seeing him just like seeing Kent…
My heart blossom for the whole day! He looks at me every time I pass by him and now he smiles to me… wow! I feel so young now! Heeh… bad! But I did share with Kent everything that happened between us.
Last week, I found out from one of the girl student that his girlfriend is the girl that banged my door last time. Oh! God! I had the instinct that his girlfriend will be her and it is really her. At that time I was at the swimming pool, what I can tell is that my heart sunk into the very bottom of the swimming pool! As if Kent is betraying me… I don’t care who his girlfriend is but at least not the bitch, that’s what is in my mind. But I’m not the God to judge a person, so I believe that the bitch might good in some ways…
Sometimes can’t tahan with myself, too emotional and sentimental… I get upset and happy easily, but most of the time I’m numb. But what I cab say is that I’m so damn Love you all!
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