Confusing period

May 20, 2006
9.45a.m hooi chuen is doing origami for her students, pei woon is watching the VCD, so called ‘VCD’ and I’m in the blue, thinking about the day we leave here.
I called Dr. Norren yesterday and asked her to get the letter from the urusetia so that we can extend for another month. However, we still need to wait. Waiting is a kind of suffering…
Zahid, Azali and Salihuddin came on Thursday. Zahid and Azali came first then only Saluhudin came. I talked a lot with them and give them advices, especially Din. He likes football, but he is unconfident as somebody push him once in the middle of the game and one of the teacher in Sungai Udang looked down at him when she got to know that he worked at a grocery shop. God! What happened to this world? It is nothing to ashamed of… and he hates her till now. I gave him advice and a proverb from K.S Maniam ~humiliation gave me wings~
I was quiet surprised when Azali told me about his experienced, as it does not match his personality, I mean someone that I get to know in the class…
Anyway, I still wish that he will find the answers to his problem very soon.
I went into Eric’s class on Thursday and I found that he walked away from me, I meant he tried to hide from me, as if he is afraid and hate me, dislike me… I felt hurt, so much…
I shared one poem and one good article that I found from the internet with form 5pd, only some of them in the class, and he is one of them who is not in the class…
When I get out of the class and went in again, he collapsed on the table, as if he tries to avoid something, tries to escape from me… My god! I felt the heart breaking inside me…
Tana saw me stood alone outside the staff room, so she asked me to follow her to the hall, drew her Ps project. I was hesitated for a moment, as I just followed Fizie to the hall just now and I saw him tried to hide from me. He looked upset, no mood, not like the usual him…
I tried to not look at him. I laughed with them and he looked at us once in a while. But still he is trying to avoid and escape…
The bell rang and I went to him and he was surprised to see me, yet he smiled and I asked him if he has thinking abut what I had talked to him and asked him to think for, he said he is thinking about it. I was happy to hear about it, and when I asked if he still remember the promise that he gave to me? He said yes and I said that promise is a promise and I hate when people bluff at me. He is a Christian as well.
I do not what is in his mind, but at least when I talked to him, his facial expression shown that he does not hate me?! I think so…
Hopefully he is not pretending… just to make me happy.
Dayang in my class asked me about my past and she said that her brother, Mahathir from Form 5pd said that I’m dahsyat. Hehe…
Tajjuddin and his sister treated me satay, my god! I was so paisei that I bought them grape as return. I was so touch anywhere.
The more they are nice to me the more I wish to stay…
Yesterday, two guys from Form 5sas2 asked me if I needed help as I’m carrying a lot of exam paper, they are Eric’s friend, who never so nice to me before and I just get to know that one of them, the most talkative one is the one that scolded hooi chuen. However, I do believe that everyone have their own way and thinking and he is good in some way. We talked a lot ad I treated them sweet and crispy.
God! When they mentioned Eric can talked well in Chinese and Iban, I just keep quite… I do not khow how to response and I’m wondering If they knew something too…
I went into his class to ask the map from Fizie and when I walked out, he was sitting besides the door and looked outside the class… he knew I was inside and once again I felt that he doesn’t want to see me. But he noticed as I walked closer to him, I saw there was a smile on his face. I pat his shoulder like a friend and asked he is okay, he knocked and said okay. Then, I walked out from the class. Hey! I saw he done his exam seriously. My God! That’s the happiest thing on Thursday; I meant the happiest thing that happened from the day I get to know him…
I do not know how far he could go, but for sure I wish that He will guide him… and I’ll leave something to him before I go away.
I talked to Teh and asked her if she think that Eric hates me for what I’m doing? She said no, for sure, but perhaps he does not know how to face me because of the promise that he has to keep and some sort of afraid if he couldn’t make it…
That makes me relief, really!
From 4sas1 students come to my house yesterday, asked how to improve their English and See Jie, Mei Ling and Sook Yin came as well, but Dayang and the gangs didn’t come.
We went to Senyum as there is discount and met Usof and Zahir, who can’t come to our house and we need to accompany Mei Ling and Sook Yin going back.
I talked a lot with see Jie and will be continue later.
Then go to a Malay stall in front Jeperun, where Fazerah and Balqis worked. But we only saw Fazerah. Then, the pat po hooi chuen over slept, we didn’t go to find Dayang at her shop.
We will go to Fizie’s shop this evening and I played message with him for a while.
Can I not leave her until I give them something? I love them so much that I wish to stay a bit longer and longer…