Feel Close?

June 2, 2006
I talked to him last night and everything is still okay. And this morning, he didn’t turn up. I went to find Arnold and he said that he didn’t go to his house and last night the one that went to Senyum with him is not Arnold, but Fais, who admitted on the spot right after I said that he lied to me.
I was so disappointed that I went to find him again at home. He looked unhappy and don’t want to talk at first and his mother talk to him in the language that I don’t understand. Once again, I talked to him in a room and he said that he don’t like to be control for all the time… so I said it is fine and I won’t go to find him anymore, but he must come to find me whenever he feels like it. He said okay.
He told me that he worked in Rivera Hotel every holiday but because SPM is around the corner, so he didn’t work. He said he wants to come for the tuition, but no transport and when his dad is lazy to fetch him. His dad beat him once in a while last time because of lepak and he only lepak during holidays. When I asked him why he lies to me, he said he is afraid if I’ll get angry. I asked him to be honest next time and I beat him to tell him that I hate when others lie to me. When I asked him if he love me, he knocked and it is real touch. He asked about Akhmal, Azri and Kuzi who tried to protect me when there were two drunkards passed by us yesterday. When I asked him if I get bully by others, will he protect me? He said he will. And when I said even if he gets beats, still he will? He said yes, with all his will and I was so touch to know that. He gave me a candle he brought at Senyum and asked me to light up 1 minute every time if I feel disappointed with him. But I said I hope that I will never light it up…
He even told me that although all his friends feel they are close to him, but he never feel close to them, even with his girlfriends. He rarely calls them, and sometime when they called, he doesn’t even pick up their calls. I looked at him surprisingly… And when I asked how about me, he said yes, he feels close to me… I was so touch…
I asked him if he ever thinking about to meet me again after I go away, he said yes, but when I asked him if believe on forever friends? He didn’t say a thing, and then only he said that he didn’t believe such thing, but I want him to believe that we will be forever friends… He said he wants to travel all around the world one day and I requested that he will send me a postcard every time he stops in a country. He said okay, but not confident enough. I asked him every time when he shakes hands, please shake harder and looked at people eyes when talking to them so that others can feel your honesty and sincerity. I told him that I love him very much and will always keep in touch with him…
I do not know what happened me but every time when he made me disappointed, he will gives me hope after that to gain back my confident and strength to help him up, may be that’s His will… that He wants me to fulfill here…
It is hard to leave, even after one month later…
I sms Arnold and told him everything is okay already and he said he was surprised to see my reaction this morning. He said I’m cute in the depth of his heart and he wants me to be happy… I was touch! How could I leave here…
HC is still unhappy; this time around she chooses a wrong person and hope that she will recover very soon…