June 12, 2006

I was so shocked when HC suddenly told me that Annuar and Ogan were outside of our house, at the time around 11 and it was Monday, the first day to school after the two weeks break. I said it was impossible and asked why they came. Well, I haven’t wake up actually, felt like walking in the dream. But when she said that Eric also came, I rushed down and can’t believe that they are a lot of them, around 7 to 8 peoples and Hendry the spiderman came as well. Hehe…
I asked Eric to come up and I show him the pack of the cigarette that I bought last time, which I already have for 3 of them. I asked him to watch I smoke, he said he doesn’t want and if I do so, he will just go back. I asked him how he felt if he saw me smoking. First, he felt it was not right for a girl to do so and it was not a good thing to do and when I asked him if he feel heart break, he said yes and I told him that was how I feel every time I saw him smoking in front of me. But later he asked a cigar from me and I gave him of course, and he smoked in the toilet.
Yesterday, he didn’t come for the tuition so I went to find him at his friend’s house, Rahman, who broke his leg long time ago. He throw his cigar away when he saw us coming from the back and today he told me that he thought that I didn’t see he threw the cigar away. I smiled to him and he smiled back to me for several times, before he confessed that he had 4 and a half cigar at that day, as he needed to repair motor. I said sarcastically, if I didn’t come he will sure make it 5 and a half. He asked if Kent went back already, I said yes and I brought him to bus station.
I gave him the proverbs that I wrote and a small gift. He said it must made me inconvienece in some way to prepare all these things for him. I said it will not as long as he wants to make changes in his life and study. He saw a love sign at the small gift and he asked me why there is a love there ironically. I knew that he was teasing me, I said I will push him down if he keep saying that. When I talked to Rahman, he made a weird sign to Rahman as if warned him not to tease me… I gave him a flying kissed before went off.
Pais (Opa) told me that he drunk 4 cups of tapai at Rahman’s house and I was so angry with him that I didn’t talk to him after that and he blamed me that I believe in Pais so much. Pais also told me that he took drug last time and they didn’t take it for 1 month, perhaps from the day he promised me to change…
But before this he told me he never takes such thing. Who cares, as long as he changes now…
They told me that it was Eric who wants to come to our house and many of them hurt themselves when climbed over the forest to come here, as there were no teachers around in the school today. I was touch anywhere, at least he still want to come here… by himself.
Pei Woon came back, Three of us walked to Taman Peruna, I didn’t see him but only get to see him on our way back, he smoked while talking to his friend. I came and he was shocked that he gave his cigar to his friend. He said he was changing a tire for his friend. I asked him if he came tonight. He said he asked Opa to come along but he doesn’t want that’s why he didn’t come, I was so damn angry and speechless. I said sarcastically that last time he said he can’t come because he doesn’t have transport, but now said that he was shy. Immediately, he realized that I was angry and he said that he will come later. I pat him at the shoulder and walked away.
I waited for him and I called on 9 o’clock. He said that he almost accident just now and now his motor can’t start. I was worry, after bought a pack of rice, I went to see him at Rahman’s house. He was all right, but his motor seems to be not all right again.
I gave him the rice and asked him to eat. Rahman said that I love this kid, I knocked and smiled, but a bit ambrassed as he walked towards us and when he heard what Rahman said, he smiled as well. If only he will not break his promise again…
We signed at Rahman’s bandage before we went off. His friend brought him with motor and I made a sign asked him to eat and he knocked sincerely, a expression that I rarely get from him.
This morning I woke up on 1p.m and HC was playing the song “Let’s the music heal my soul”, suddenly felt so empty, frightened and lonely, felt hard to leave everything behind… I sms him to tell him how I feel and lastly asked him to change.